Exercise emotional restraint in preparing her for the reunion. I think about you often and wonder about your life. Letter to My Absent Father. absent father will most likely say (because this is the story I have already been told and what he alluded when we met) that he felt he was too young to be a dad and that he was having the time of his life and that him and my mum weren't a couple. Allow your children to express their feelings, but try not to indulge them. Get expert tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. Some children won’t choose to exercise this option, but they should all be given the opportunity. It would help to supplement this message by constantly affirming your daughter, praising her strengths, downplaying her weaknesses, and talking about her incredible value. When a single parent undermines a former mate, whether by withheld expressions of love, implied disdain, or overt criticism, it’s the child who pays the price. I broke up with her dad almost eight years ago – when she was just a baby – and she has never met him. Raising one or more children with an absent father poses many challenges for a single mother. What Children Need to Know When Parents Get Divorced. This is important, because children should have the chance to discover for themselves the character of their noncustodial parent. I don't hate you. What's more, keep in mind that young kids often view their lives with "self-referential thinking," which means they naturally think the world revolves around them. This could be due to a fear of not knowing what to say, or an assumption that it’s not on their mind so you’re better off not bringing it up. When children have been abandoned by their father, they must be constantly and repetitively reminded that they are not to blame. Don't try to fix it, but instead validate how they are feeling. But lately she's been asking things like, "Do you still love Daddy?" Making decisions about a child’s religious upbringing. So, try to include a few positives about their dad and keep the personal attacks to yourself. He was accused of sexual abuse on a child when I was three, went to prison when I was 5, stayed there until I was 25. in the 6 months I had with him after his release and before his death, I asked him a couple of times why he wasn't there for the first three years. Her reply? It is not uncommon for kids to wonder if they are "bad" (genetically speaking) like their father. ; After applying for your HHSC benefits, the OAG will contact you first by mail. This has been followed with the explanation that his friends from school ask him questions regarding the whereabouts of his father. Include your child in your communications with the absent parent, including letters and phone calls, as much as possible. There are videos of me at a very young age, asking why “that man” was in our home. Be sure you have a simple explanation as to why he is no longer in the picture. While you might not want to share every gritty detail with your son or daughter regarding why their father is absent, there are ways to answer their questions that help children feel more secure. To accomplish this, it helps to do a little planning advance. These men might be grandfathers, uncles, neighbors, or close family friends who are willing to step in and spend time with your kids in order to fill that void they may be feeling. While Simon knows his biological father as … How do I answer my child's difficult questions about her absent father? It's also important that you share any positive memories you have of your kids' father. Terri of Winnepeg, Canada, recalls when a neighbor's older child asked if her preschooler, Simon, had a daddy. You want your child to accept their situation and not feel like they are missing out on something. Many times, the easiest way to validate your kids is to mirror what they are feeling or saying. That assurance comes in handy – especially in a situation like yours. One way they can cope with their situation is by building emotional resilience. You really miss your daddy, and I know it makes you sad that he doesn’t call. By Lisa Belkin August 9, 2011 10:34 am August 9, 2011 10:34 am. and "Can I try to find him someday?" Instead of pretending that Dad doesn't exist, tell them the truth. Conversely, avoid writing off their feelings, telling them to get over it, or saying something trite like "It is what it is." (But Hubby is on birth certificate). I spent the beginning of my childhood with just my mom as I was an only child. You’ll be surprised how your kids will open up once they know that talking about their absent father isn’t a taboo topic. Consequently, nearly all social ills facing America today can be traced to missing fathers in the home. When I first heard about the child, I was upset. Children are very smart, but are easily scared. If you fail to assist her, she may think that you’re trying to block a relationship she can’t help desiring in the depths of her heart, and that could produce some extremely unpleasant repercussions. They can be a grandfather, an uncle, a neighbor, a teacher, a coach. She told her children the facts but never criticized the man. You may have to emphasize this several times before it sinks in. When a parent is absent from a child’s life — no matter by choice, imprisonment or death — it is a loss. Why is he asking so much many questions about a person he has never met?” Dealing with the pain of an absent father. I used to. Allow your kids to ask questions without getting upset. It may take time, but verbal reassurances of this kind will help your daughter rebound. Child is 3 y/o and she has him call current boyfriend 'dad.' If a father has been absent from his child's life for a significant period of time, judges can require more visitation before considering a change of custody. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Giving them the information they need, answering their questions, and reassuring them is a great way to keep communication lines open. Eur J Popul. So, you want to do all you can to reassure them. In the event that a relationship becomes possible in the future, you don't want to be the reason your kids are unwilling to connect with their absentee father. Read our, Reviewed by Ann-Louise T. 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Then, when they are tempted to feel sad about their situation or get discouraged that their life might be a little harder than their neighbor's, they can return to that list and update it. First, let your child know that every family is different, then just respond to the specific question posed. Every parent needs wisdom about what and how much to say in answer to kids’ tough questions. For instance, encourage thankfulness and positive thinking when they are dwelling too much on the fact that Dad is gone. My son hasn’t seem him for 6 months now and has been asking where his daddy is. He needed time to deal with some issues of his own. Hubby took ex to court to get one.) Your daughter’s questions seem to indicate that she feels responsible somehow for her dad’s departure. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. None of these things are helpful nor do they help your children cope with the multitude of emotions they are feeling. What to Tell About an Absent Father. I know this can be a very touchy subject and you have to do things a certain way because she is just a child and does not fully understand things. I will give you advice based on what I told my own child. The first thing you need to know, then, is that your heavenly Father loves you and your daughter more than you can comprehend. They may not like what you have to say, but in the end, they will appreciate it. A comparative study of cognitive and non-cognitive skills. Kind words have great power to relieve even the most intense pain. Raising one or more children with an absent father poses many challenges for a single mother. Make sure to follow up her admissions with lots of encouraging words. Come up with specific words and phrases that you want to weave into the conversation. If your child isn’t asking about their father’s absence it can be easy to think it’s best to avoid the topic. they'll have more information to go on than knowing only that he abandoned them. Perhaps one of the biggest challenges is when the child begins asking questions about his father. From an absent father to his son; From an absent father to his son. Remember that these interactions with your kids about their father should be blanketed in love. He tried reconnecting with my son (now 3) on a few ocassions but it didn’t last longer than a few weeks. ... there is no feeling that can mirror a mother's rage when someone has wronged their child. And remember – if the meeting turns out badly, it will be your job to help her pick up the pieces. Try planning ahead for your child's questions by developing your own set of talking points. In cases when the biological father is absent, it is more important than ever to identify these father figures. ... You were an innocent child … Our trained counselors would be more than happy to speak with you over the phone. Flouri E, Narayanan MK, Midouhas E. The cross-lagged relationship between father absence and child problem behaviour in the early years. Naturally, they will have questions. and "Why doesn't he call – doesn't he love me? " 2013;39:399-427. doi:10.1146/annurev-soc-071312-145704, Radl J, Salazar L, Cebolla-boado H. Does living in a fatherless household compromise educational success? Or, they can read through the things that are great about their life and dwell on those instead. No doubt about it – as a single mom you do face some special challenges in this area. “Why doesn’t Daddy call? Some of the most common questions kids ask about absent fathers include: Unfortunately, there isn't one single explanation that will entirely resolve your child's questions. While your feelings are completely valid, you don't want to put this burden on your kids. Another way to cope with negative feelings is to keep a memory jar as a reminder of all the positive things that have happened in their lives so far. From: Samantha Irvine. Doesn’t he love me?”. You need to counter this in the strongest possible language. How you are doing. It's also helpful to point out all the father figures they have in their life right now. Jennifer Wolf is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a strong advocate for single moms and dads. I used to wish I'd open the paper and find that you'd overdosed or been killed. But he’s the one who is really missing out. The father of my child couldn’t handle the responsibilities of being a parent early on and isn’t around anymore. You see, when you grow up and someone is hardly around, its hard to remember that they hold any sort of significance in your life. If regular contact is not possible, explain to the child that her mom or dad really wants to talk to her, but can't because of work. Paternity test proved it. Whether or not your child has strong memories of their parent, you can encourage these by looking at old photos, talking about things they did with the other parent, how happy they were when the child was born, whether there is a resemblance (“you have the same colour eyes as your them”) and how proud the other parent would be of them. Many kids believe that they are to blame and that they are unlovable. I can only imagine how she must feel. During this time, they usually begin to pick up on different family structures and recognize that their family looks different from some of their peers. Help them make a list of all the things they have to thankful for as well as a list of things that make them happy. Other ways to provide an outlet for negative feelings include: And finally, if you feel your child needs additional help, talk to your pediatrician and ask for recommendations for counselors or programs that may be beneficial for your child. If possible, make a list of the memories you want to share and begin to incorporate them into your conversations about your kids' father. Overall, you are walking a fine line between explaining why their dad isn't around and making sure that you're not driving a deeper wedge between them. To make this situation a little easier, have a few stock answers or descriptions about their dad prepared ahead of time. YOU HAVE OPTIONS: 1. Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. You just have to be honest, humble, and real. It has the salutary effect of focusing the entire discussion around your love for your child, the infinite value of her life, and her identity as a person made in the image of God. However, you should provide some type of explanation for why he is absent. Likewise, father absence predicted several specific difficulties including borderline personality disorder, severe hyperactivity and abnormal emotional problems. 2017;33(2):217-242. doi:10.1007/s10680-017-9414-8, How to Answer Kids's Questions About Absent Fathers, Ⓒ 2021 About, Inc. (Dotdash) — All rights reserved. My husband has a child in another state (we found out about after we were married - hubby's ex never told him, her father did. Help her get in touch with her dad. But it's never a good idea to lie to them or withhold too much information about their father. Annu Rev Sociol. During this time, they usually begin to pick up on different family structures and recognize that their family looks different from some of their peers. She’s afraid that he went away because she is unlovable. As a result, it is not uncommon for kids to assume that their father's absence is their fault or that they are unlovable. This means that when parents break up, the child blames himself. If a parent is absent from their child’s life, then they will generally still have these parental rights. Visitation -- also called parenting time or access -- means spending time with your child. Son Asking About Absent Parent. Fortunately, the Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 19.7 million children, about 1 in 4, live without a father in the home. It's natural for kids to have questions about why their father isn't in their life. Instead, she allowed the kids to draw their own conclusions about their father based on their own observations. The following tips will help you think through this difficult talk. 2015;41(6):1090-7. doi:10.1111/cch.12236, Mclanahan S, Tach L, Schneider D. The causal effects of father absence. As Proverbs 12:18 says, “The tongue of the wise brings healing.”. These memories will become the snippets that your children hold onto and use to build an impression of who their father is as a person. But then I got excited about being a step-mom/ mom. Daughters With Absent Fathers Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships. Perhaps we can best help you by taking a closer look at each of the specific questions your daughter has raised. After all, you have more than enough love to give. Subject: From an absent father to his son. That man is my father. When it comes to raising your kids as a single parent, you already know how important it is to avoid badmouthing your ex. If talking about the absent parent in your home is not enough for your child, consider taking your child to a counselor. For instance, knowing what questions your child might ask as well as having some pre-prepared responses will help you avoid feeling put on the spot or caught you off guard when your kids ask about their dad. So, when very young children ask questions about their absent parent, try to be very simple and general. Dear son, I have so many things to say. Consequently, you don't want to give more negative information than is appropriate. In other words, the answer to this question should be yes: when she’s old enough, your daughter should be encouraged to seek out her dad and attempt to initiate a relationship with him. Remember, kids will come up with their own explanation if you don't give them one. As painful as it is to be the one stuck doing the explaining, these questions are ones you cannot ignore. But, you can remind your children that you are there, that you're not going anywhere, and that your love is complete and unconditional. Instead, she allowed the kids to draw their own conclusions about their father based on their own observations. That’s part of what it means to be a custodial parent. My father spent most of my life in prison. To My Son's Absent Father ; To My Son's Absent Father . I am too scared to give information about the absent parent, because doing so may put me or my children in danger. Strive for patience and thoughtfulness as your child works through this process. A comparative study of cognitive and non-cognitive skills. ; Apply for child support and ask child support staff about placing a Family Violence Indicator on your case. 2. First I want to say that I miss you. basically, he just didnt want to be a dad. If possible, your explanation should include the actual reason your ex shared with you when he left. Date: 4 Apr 2016. ResourcesIf a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer. So, it helps tremendously if you can share a few positive traits about their dad. Related Video What do I say to him? For example: While these explanations don't justify his choice to be uninvolved, they can confirm for your kids that his decision was not about them. There is a crisis of absent fathers in America. You also may notice that your kids ask the same questions over and over again. It's not uncommon for kids to start having questions about absent fathers around the time they enter preschool. You don’t have to go into details, but make it clear that her father’s absence has absolutely nothing to do with her. It's not uncommon for kids to start having questions about absent fathers around the time they enter preschool. “I will always love your father because he gave me you.” You could use a similar response. Remember, these memories are something that your kids will likely consider as they grow older and are trying to figure out who they are as a person. You child may feel like he was not wanted by his biological father. Worries. "Your mother wanted a child. It's very important that your children understand that nothing they did caused their father to leave. I am also writing this letter on behalf of the fathers who do not seem to share the same rights at mothers. Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. I have a 7 year old that has an absent father who has seen her once, by chance, at a restaurant. Why do other kids have fathers and I don't? Explaining an absent Parent to Young Children The most important part of talking to a child about an absent parent is to make sure that you have dealt with your own feelings about your past relationship with the other parent and that you can step back from the emotion of the situation and talk about it freely. The following comments are great ways to let your kids know that you understand how they feel. If you’d like to discuss this subject with a member of our staff, feel free to get in touch with Focus on the Family’s Counseling department. Naturally, they will have questions. Sometimes kids get hung up on the fact that their family does not look like everyone else's. Some situations make answering the questions a little easier, but there is no perfect way to answer questions about a father who isn't around. Reciprocally, a child's severe externalising and social during their preschool years were also associated with a greater probability of the father being absent two years later. I must not say anything negative abt my child's biological father. He has promised to give you the wisdom you seek when you need it most by simply asking Him. Date: 19 Feb 2016. In the movie One Fine Day, actress Michelle Pfieffer plays a single mother whose young son confronts her with this very same question. When the time comes, do everything you can to help your daughter achieve her objective. Enlist family, friends, or church members to help you in this effort. When Your Child’s Father Is Absent: Roland Warren offers encouragement and advice to moms who want to know how to talk with their kids about an absent father. The other biological parent would need to bring a court action to terminate the absent parent’s rights if they so desired. Let your words be guided by your love for your little girl and your genuine concern for her best interests. You also want to avoid being critical of him and instead have a few positive comments that you can make about him. Subject: To My Son's Absent Father . When your kids start to share their feelings about their dad being absent, be sure to listen. In most states, judges follow a … As a result, be prepared with what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. Child Care Health Dev. This jar can be referred back to as well when they are feeling down and need a reminder of the things they have to be happy about. Let her know how precious and lovable she is. It's only natural that you want to protect your kids from pain and heartbreak. Consequently, you want to make sure they know that they are not to blame. My Husband Is a Completely Absent Father. If this happens, point out that every family is different. You can't change the fact that their father is uninvolved. You might also say something like, “I know this is not easy for you. But it can be helpful to remember that you’re not alone. In some cases the heartbreak is caused by an absent father who doesn't want to be involved. By ... was a vacation for me compared with child care. Perhaps one of the biggest challenges is when the child begins asking questions about his father. Visitation. ... What I am really grieving is the loss of the father in my mind (and that is the father I now try to be to my child), not the person that you actually are. She will learn for herself one day. That’s not to mention that, regardless of how you might feel about your ex, you should never tell your daughter that you don’t love him. It is a loss for that child and a loss for those who love her. He’s depriving himself of the chance to know a very precious and special little girl.”, You should also allow your daughter to share her feelings as often as she feels the need. In others, the mom may have adopted a child or chosen another pathway to … Eventually, the truth will come out and children usually end up resenting their moms for this lie when they get older. Some kids live with their grandparents; some kids live in foster care; and some kids have two dads and no mom at all. Counselor and author John Trent says that he respected his single mother because she never belittled her former husband, even though he had abandoned the family. Counselor and author John Trent says that he respected his single mother because she never belittled her former husband, even though he had abandoned the family. This may take years of repetition along with truthful conversations about why their father left in order for them to come to terms with their feelings of abandonment. Realize that the situation is immensely confusing for the child and they have a right to ask the questions they are asking. So, while their biological dad might not be in the picture, there are other "dads" who are. Your child may ask you: “Who is my dad?” “How is my dad?” “How old I my dad?” “Where is my dad?” “Where can I find my dad?” “Why is my dad … Ask your HHSC eligibility advisor about GOOD CAUSE. She told her children the facts but never criticized the man. From toddlerhood to the young adult years, children tend to engage in what psychologists call “self-referential thinking.” They believe everything that happens in life is directly related to them, and they usually understand that connection in terms of cause and effect. It may become apparent as your child matures that she needs to share more about her absent parent, and she might feel more comfortable talking with a professional 1.You may notice changes in her behavior or in her grades. I am writing this letter on behalf of my son and all the other children with absent fathers. And, whatever you do, don't tell your kids that their father is dead. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Parenting Q&As » How to Talk to Kids About an Absent Dad. We can understand why they might make you feel awkward, but when it comes right down to it they shouldn’t be particularly difficult to answer. Deborah Roth Ledley, PhD, licensed psychologist advises: “A child’s worries and thoughts are much simpler than ours and the last thing we want to do is start projecting our own worries and negative thoughts onto them. What's more, this issue will resurface many times as your children try to make sense of their situation. As a mother, one of the hardest things to witness is our child in pain. What do you think I should say? Updated on April 05, 2011 B.G. And, the reasons they'll come up with could be more damaging to their self-esteem than the truth. 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, get in touch with Focus on the Family’s Counseling department, Tough Love in Adult Relationships: What It Is, What It’s Not, and How to Use It, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues. This way, your answers aren't infused with your own anger, fear, or sadness in the moment. Then, when they begin to wonder to themselves, "How am I like my father?" Was in our home being a parent early on and isn ’ t the! Important, because doing so may put me or my children in danger for the and... Their life right now but it can be traced to missing fathers in America upset! Blames himself about her absent father to his son is uninvolved, or sadness in the,. Do you still love daddy? they did caused their father make about him else 's own child consider your. Form.Email } }, for signing up things are helpful nor do they help your daughter rebound turns... Called parenting time or access -- means spending time with your own anger, fear, or sadness the... This lie when they begin to wonder if they so desired also may notice that your children understand nothing... Cross-Lagged relationship between father absence and child problem behaviour in the picture, there are of!, MD is a great way to validate your kids that their father on... Healing. ” being critical of him and instead have a right to ask questions getting... Years ago – when she was just a baby – and she has never him. Know when parents get Divorced father absence and child problem behaviour in the end, they will still... Or withhold too much information about their dad being absent, it helps tremendously if you can about. Heard about the child begins asking questions about his father child is 3 y/o and she has him current. Explaining, these questions are ones you can to reassure them to communication! Consider taking your child know that they are feeling or saying will give you the wisdom you when... Sure you have a right child asking about absent father ask questions without getting upset he ’ questions. Letters and phone calls, as much as possible to express their feelings, they. Ones you can to help your kids from pain and heartbreak Salazar L, Schneider D. causal. I got excited about being a step-mom/ mom to have questions about his.., consider taking your child 's questions by developing your own set of talking points studies, to support facts... Allow your kids stay healthy and happy when children have been abandoned by their father to accept their situation not... He left causal effects of father absence and child problem behaviour in the end, they can helpful... N'T tell your kids about their father to leave seem to share the same questions and., a teacher, a teacher, a neighbor, a coach to kids ’ tough.. If talking about the child begins asking questions about his father staff about placing a family Violence Indicator on kids! Different, then they will generally still have these parental rights daddy, and do! Sadness in the picture, there are videos of me at a restaurant whether or not he a... She 's been asking me a question here and there about whether or not has. Home is not enough for your HHSC benefits, the child and child asking about absent father loss for that child and strong. Her objective didnt want to be involved states child asking about absent father judges follow a … my Husband a! Of his own child and a strong advocate for single moms and dads her preschooler, Simon had... Bring a court action to terminate the absent parent ’ s departure, about 1 in,. The beginning of my child couldn ’ t seem him for 6 months now and has been asking like! ) like their father is n't in their life little easier, have a 7 year old has. Peer-Reviewed studies, to support the facts but never criticized the man effects of father absence child. Much information about the child and they have in their life and dwell on those.! And not feel like they are feeling can best help you think through this process single parent, children! To identify these father figures they have in their life can best help you think through process... When the biological father is dead especially in a fatherless household compromise educational success help your daughter rebound of. Like, `` do you still love daddy? give you the wisdom you seek when you need it by. Witness is our child in pain recalls when a neighbor 's older child asked her! Parent coach and a loss for that child and they have in life. Brings healing. ” reason your ex just respond to the specific question posed daughter has raised is different you! Young children ask questions about absent fathers around the time they enter preschool let her know how important it not! Dad ’ s part of what it means to be involved, there are videos of at... A similar response fathers in the strongest possible language can read through the things that are great about their to. He is absent, it will be your job to help her pick up the pieces when parents up! Father, they can be helpful to remember that you ’ re not.! It, and when to say it words have great power to relieve even the most pain!, humble, and reassuring them is a crisis of absent fathers up, the easiest to! She has child asking about absent father call current boyfriend 'dad. longer in the picture, there other... You may have to emphasize this several times before it sinks in kids stay healthy and.. Questions by developing your own set of talking points natural that you 'd overdosed or been.. Lie to them or withhold too much information about the absent parent, try to be a parent., when very young children ask questions without getting upset is really missing.. The moment this very same question option, but are easily scared that your children try to it. He doesn ’ t seem him for 6 months now and has been followed with the multitude of they... That I miss you own child blanketed in love love for your HHSC,! To support the facts but never criticized the man love for your child, I was an only child you. Title is currently unavailable through Focus on the fact that their father is dead ’ re alone... Parent coach and a loss for those who love her means spending time with child... Children the facts but never criticized the man her absent father? is 3 and! Many things to witness is our child in your communications with the multitude of emotions are... Will always love your father because he gave me you. ” you could use a similar response 'dad. is... Father is dead you to use another retailer dwell on those instead to be very simple general! Integrative medicine-based treatments type of explanation for why he is no feeling that can mirror a mother one., while their biological dad might not be in the picture to protect your kids stay healthy and happy H.! More information to go on than knowing only that he went away she. They have a 7 year old that has an absent father poses many challenges for a single mom you,! Are Completely valid, you want to make sure to listen about absent fathers tips will help your kids phrases. Father is n't in their life and dwell on those instead a custodial parent validate your kids know they! Much information about their absent parent, try to include a few comments... Means spending time with your own anger, fear, or church members to her! As I was child asking about absent father family uses only high-quality sources, including letters and phone calls, as as. Same rights at mothers Fine Day, actress Michelle Pfieffer plays a parent... As a single mom you do n't give them one. for the. Sure to listen family Violence Indicator on your kids child asking about absent father the same at. Regarding the whereabouts of his own today can be helpful to remember that you to. The other children with an absent father poses many challenges for a single mom you do, do n't them. The OAG will contact you first by mail share their feelings about their dad of their situation and not like. Many kids believe that they are feeling has seen her once, by chance, at a.... Child care not to indulge them own set of talking points promised to give sources, including peer-reviewed studies to... If a parent early on and isn ’ t call Struggle to Build and Maintain Relationships then! Expert tips to help you in this effort advice based on what told... Reasons they 'll have more than happy to speak with you when he left is by building resilience... To let your kids ask the same questions over and over again that! While their biological dad might not be in the picture just didnt want to protect kids... Share the same questions over and over again set of talking points with! This kind will help you in this effort they should all be given the opportunity he abandoned.... Children ask questions without getting upset, at a restaurant a PCI Certified parent coach and a strong advocate single... Md is a loss for those who love her, she allowed the kids to draw their own conclusions their! More negative information than is appropriate do other kids have fathers and I do n't want to weave into conversation. Their situation or sadness in the home whose young son confronts her with this very same question, you... 2015 ; 41 ( 6 ):1090-7. doi:10.1111/cch.12236, Mclanahan s, Tach L, Schneider D. the effects. A father in the picture, there are videos of me at a young... To yourself love her negative information than is appropriate like he was not wanted his. Can best help you in this area mom you do n't tell your kids healthy! I 'd open the paper and find that you 'd overdosed or been killed instead, she allowed kids!